FateConfusion!
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: Naruto Emiya, new Uzukage and the Head of the Uzumaki clan, is bored. As the new Master of Kaleidoscope, this is a bad thing. So what does he decide? To drag all those who survived the Fifth Grail War into one of the Fourth Heaven's Feel to bring about confusion of course! How will the participants of the Fourth Grail handle this mess?
1. Chapter 1

_**Fate/Confusion**_

_**or**_

_**Why Zelretch is a bad influence**_

It was their yearly meeting at Shiro's house after the Fifth Grail War to celebrate surviving the mess. Even Bazett made a point to show, if only because Lance would bitch otherwise.

Naruto, recently instated Uzukage of the remodeled Uzushiogakure (Konoha's light as one of the Big Five was fading and fast with people going to Uzu for shinobi), was bored out of damn mind.

Yes, he was now the Einzbern's Heir and Acht's successor. Yes, he had recently mastered most of the aspects of Kaleidoscope and was on par with Zelretch. Yes, he had a wife now, even if Haku was mostly to keep his grandfather from saddling him with someone intolerable and she knew it.

But Naruto was almost to the point that he would do something _Zelretch_ normally did to alleviate his boredom!

Illya had noted with some concern that Naruto's boredom had been growing worse, which was why she moved his little mini-head on the chart to warn the others. Everyone had their own little markers on the chart showing how bored they were as a joke/warning.

Right now Naruto's little head was nearly the sixth and most dangerous stage of his boredom.

Here's how the classification system went:

**X-** standard boredom

**XX**- experimental level bored

**XXX- **apostle hunt level bored

**XXXX-** sparring with Saber/Rider/Lancer bored

**XXXXX-** extreme boredom

**XXXXXX**- ZELRETCH LEVEL BOREDOM! RUN AWAY!

At most the others barely reached level four. The life of a Magus usually was very exciting...usually.

But Naruto's marker slowly edged towards the sixth-level, which could only mean trouble for everyone. The markers were enchanted as a joke, though Illya was worried about her brother because his was making it's way towards Zelretch-level bored.

Naruto passed from the bathroom to the living room when he noticed a picture of his adopted father Kiritsugu and a much younger Shiro. And then he saw Saber and an idea so crazy that it was sure to amuse him was sparked.

Illya winced when the slow edging went straight to Zelretch-level.

"Hey guys, I have an idea..." said Naruto.

Rin noticed the level of his boredom and winced. Everyone else did the same.

"Let's hear it then," said Rin.

"What if we were to go to one of the Fourth Grail Wars and confuse the hell out of everyone?"

There was a collective blink as they processed this statement. Then...

"Count me in," said Lancer.

"Me as well," said Rider.

"It might be a bad idea for me to go, but I want in," said Saber.

"I'm always up for some trolling!" said Caster.

Assassin was silent. She could care less either way.

"It would be interesting to meet Dad before he lost his powers," said Shiro.

"Do I get to pound Kirei's face in again?" asked Rin. Naruto nodded amused, "Count me in!"

"What the hell, why not?" said Bazett.

"I'll follow your lead Naruto," said Sakura.

"Only if I can get _my_ Berserker back. I miss him," said Illya.

"You do realize if we do this, then we'll technically have all seven classes covered right?" he said in amusement.

Seeing their confusion, he looked straight at Shiro.

"Don't you remember who Rin's original Servant was?" he said, and the lightbulb went off. They had forgotten Rin's original Servant, Archer, was in fact a much older version of Shiro.

Indeed, the only Servants who _did_ die during their Grail War was Archer and Berserker. The rest Naruto misplaced and won by technicality.

"In that case, shall we prepare to troll the Fourth Grail War? Just to warn you the Caster in that one was a pretty nasty piece of work. He was an insane sociopath with a crappy Master," said Naruto.

And with that, the next month was spent in preparing for another Grail War, albeit in this one they weren't seeking to win, just to sow a _lot_ of confusion amongst the fighters.

Illya couldn't wait to see their father's reaction to having not only one child, but _three_ and all of them were making things worse. At least now Shiro could properly meet Irisviel, Kiritsugu's wife.

* * *

Zelretch only needed to be told what they were up to, before his loud guffaws could be heard throughout the Clock Tower. He had wondered when Naruto would snap, and this was far too amusing to pass up!

Which was why he gave Illyasviel Rule Breaker (Medea's weapon) and dropped her off at the Einzbern Castle in Fuyuki fifteen minutes before Gilgamesh was going to kill her alternate. She stole Berserker from her alternate and left a very poor quality double of the Servant to avoid suspicion.

(In case you were wondering, she stole the UBW route Berserker before it was destroyed. His lives were automatically reset to ten as soon as she stole him.)

Illya was very pleased to have her beloved Servant back, not that Herakles noticed a difference...well aside from a strange increase in sanity after Illya used a carefully ordered Command Seal on him. Unlike the UBW Illya, she had all of her seals.

* * *

"Everyone ready?" asked Naruto.

They nodded.

Naruto used his Kaleidoscope magic and opened up a path to the first incarnation of the Fourth Grail War. He even had a good cover identity for Saber...she would be posing as Mordred as a joke.

And with that, they vanished and reappeared in Fuyuki several decades ago.

Upon agreement, everyone settled into their familiar base camp of the Emiya house, which had been purchased months ago by a clone of Naruto's and refurbished to familiar standards...and a heavily stocked kitchen.

Once they arrived they started layering multiple subtle wards around the house. Not even Kiritsugu would be able to notice them unless he was actively looking for them.

Rin just wanted to pound the face of Kirei Kotomine in. Sakura was more interested in saving her Uncle Kariya, the only ally she had in the Matou house who had tried to save her from the Worm Pit. Shiro wanted to meet Kiritsugu again, and hopefully meet Irisviel.

Naruto wanted to confuse the hell out of everyone except for their group. He clapped his hands...this was going to be fun!

* * *

Saber paused when she exited the plane. Irisviel looked at her in confusion.

"What is it Saber?"

"It's probably nothing...however I have an odd feeling about this place."

In fact she sensed a second Saber, which made no sense at all.

She got out of the car and took Iris for a walk around the city, ending near the ocean. They weren't alone, but Saber more or less ignored the brother and sister playing a mile away.

"Come on, Onii-san! You said we would play in the ocean under moonlight!" begged the girl.

"I did, I did. I also said that you had to do the dishes tonight," said the boy amused.

Saber ignored them both, but for some reason she kept looking at them. The girl seemed oddly familiar for some reason.

Then one of the Servants spiked their presence, and they left to take his challenge.

The Grail War officially kicked off as it should have. Then everything went a little...odd.

Saber was about to deal a nasty blow to Lancer...when all of a sudden someone slammed into her and she hit one of the shipping containers with a vengeance.

She picked herself up from the metal box and looked at who slammed into her.

The figure wore demonic looking armor, but it was the sword that had her attention. It was black and blood red, and it gave off an ominous feeling. The smoke from her crash cleared and she almost gasped in shock...it was Mordred! What was he doing here?"

"It can't be...two Saber classed Servants?" gasped Irisviel in shock. Her spell allowed her to see a Servant's rank, and this one was nearly identical to Saber in every way.

Lancer looked rather annoyed someone had interrupted their fight and went to attack this upstart, when he found himself very busy in a hurry.

There was a bloody red lance that was attached to a man wearing dark blue armor and a cocky grin. Irisviel looked at him with shock as well.

He was clearly a Lancer Servant, but the Lancer Servant of the Grail War was right in front of her. What was going on?

Hearing a clash of blades above, everyone looked to see...Assassin fighting a white-haired girl with blades?

"What in the Root is going on here?" asked Irisviel.

"In a word? Chaos!" said someone from behind her.

She turned...only to find a girl about seventeen who looked far too much like her daughter Illyasviel for her comfort.

Irisviel was very, very confused at this point...never mind how Kiritsugu felt having double the amount of Servants with identical classes running around. What in the hell was going on?

* * *

Rider, the Great King Iskander, was just as confused as everyone else. There was a woman with long purple hair and a blindfold on the bridge with him and his Master Waver...beside her was a girl about twenty with long black hair and blue eyes.

What bothered him was that according to Waver, this woman was also a Rider class Servant, which was confusing.

"What is going on? There are two Sabers, Lancers and that looks like Assassin! He's supposed to be dead!" said Waver with absolute confusion.

"Assassin faked his death. Didn't you know?" said the black-haired girl.

"Who are you anyway?"

"Sakura Tohsaka, and this is my Servant Rider."

"That can't be! Rider's right here!" said Waver.

"Whoever said that my Rider was the Servant class summoned for the Fourth Grail War?" cocked Sakura's head in amusement. Seeing Waver utterly confused at this point, they vanished.

* * *

"Mou...Master, are you done yet?" whined Caster.

She was _bored_. She had been promised chaos on a level never seen, and here her Master was in France of all places with a summoning circle!

"Almost. Alright, blood offering is complete...connection to _our_ version of the Grail has been set...now for the summoning," said Naruto with an evil grin.

He really, really didn't like Caster from the Fourth Grail War, and this was definitely going to confuse people even more. Because he had linked the prana-output from the Fourth Grail War to the system in place in Hero's Throne, the site of the New Grail Wars, Naruto could theoretically summon any of the three extra Servants he had put into place.

In this case he was planning to summon the mediator of the New Grail Wars: Ruler.

Technically Ruler could be summoned _before_ the full Seven were out, but only if certain types of Anti-Heroes were brought out first. Otherwise they would come out only after the first seven were. In this case, Ruler would be picked because of Caster being out, which was why Naruto had come to France at the site of Joan of Arc's execution.

According to Zelretch, Caster of the Fourth Grail Wars was someone who knew Joan in life, so who better to put him in his place than the woman he had mistaken Saber for?

Naruto cut his hand. The bounded field was in place to keep tourists out, and it was pretty late besides.

He began to speak the incantation, hoping this worked properly.

"_**Silver and Iron to the Origin. Gem and the Archduke of Contracts to the Ancestor is my Great Master Shweinorg.**_

_**The Alighted Wind becomes a Wall. The Gates in the four directions close,coming from the Crown,the three-forked road that leads to the Kingdom circulate.**_

_**Shut (Fill). Shut (Fill). Shut (Fill). Shut (Fill). Shut (Fill).**_

_**Repeat every five times.**_

_**Simply, shatter once filled.**_

_**I announce.**_

_**Your self is under me, my fate (doom) is in your sword.**_

_**In accordance with the approach of the Holy Grail, if you abide by this feeling, this reason, then answer.**_

_**Here is my Oath.**_

_**I embody justice and balance in the World.**_

_**I chastise arrogance and ignorance in the World.**_

_**You, Seven Heavens clad in three words of Power, arrive from the ring of deterrence,**_

_**O Keeper of the Balance!"**_

The circle began to glow an ominous silver color, as opposed to the red that it normally ended up as. There was a loud explosion, and Naruto felt a new set of Command Seals appear on his left hand, in place of the ones he had stolen from Kotomine and returned to Bazett once the war was technically over.

"I ask of you, are you my Master?" said a distinctly female voice. She had armor on, and a sort of crown on her head.

"I am," said Naruto, showing his command seals.

"Then in accordance to this Divine summoning, I, Servant Ruler, have answered your call. Know that I am the Mediator of this Grail War and will keep the Grail from becoming befouled should a Servant of Corruption be summoned," said Ruler.

Naruto was grinning wildly.

"Yes! I knew the fail-safe would work! Ha! Take that Rin!" said Naruto cheering.

Ruler looked utterly confused, so Tamamo took her human guise to explain it to her.

"Master dismantled the original Grail in his alternate world, and put in some fail-safes to keep certain kinds of Servants from corrupting the Grail again. He used the power output from this particular alternate and hooked his summoning circle to the one that they had rebuilt in a new location in order to by-pass the original system. In short, he tricked this Grail into allowing you to be summoned," said Tamamo.

"And you are?" asked Ruler.

"Servant Caster of the _Fifth_ Grail War alternate, at your service!" said Tamamo with a chirp.

"Who is your Master?"

"I am. It's possible to sustain two Servants though the power output is quite ridiculous."

Naruto picked up his mirror, which had a spell to make it act like a cell phone.

"What is it Rin?"

"_What the hell did you just do?"_

"I cheated. How's the chaos?"

Rin smirked.

"_Everyone is utterly confused at this point as to why there are two copies of the same Servant class running around. By the way, Saber mistook her alternate for Mordred like you wanted," _she replied.

"That is excellent news... By the way, the fail-safe we put into place works."

Rin's expression blanked for a moment before she scowled.

"_You didn't..."_

"Oh yes, I did."

"_I'm telling Illya!"_ said Rin angrily.

She had said that the fail-safe to prevent the corruption of the Grail wouldn't work, but they had put it in anyway. She didn't think that the three additional classes would be drawn at all, and hearing Naruto had summoned one was irritating.

"Well girls, shall we head back to base?" said Naruto with an evil grin that wouldn't look out of place on his teacher.

* * *

"How did it go?" asked Naruto.

Illya was giggling madly while the others looked rather smug.

"It was pure and utter chaos! They were completely freaking out over the fact that there were two of the same Servant class in the fight!" cackled Bazett.

Rin was still scowling, though an amused smirk did appear a few times on her face. Seeing the look on Assassin's face when Jackie came at him was hilarious, and it was even more amusing when Illya brought out Berserker against Lancelot.

Though that was nothing compared to the pissed look on Gilgamesh's face when Shiro showed up looking like EMIYA, armor and all, and started hurling his swords at the King of Heroes.

From the fact no one commented on his seals, it was clear that they had trick everyone into believing Shiro was an Archer class Servant.

"So what did you tell Rin that had her so mad, Naruto-nii?" asked Illya, containing her giggles.

"Everyone, meet our fail-safe from the New Grail Wars. This is Ruler," said Naruto, opening the door.

"I don't believe it..." said Saber in shock.

Illya glared at her brother.

"Naruto...why did you bring out Ruler when we could deal with that monster without her?" asked Illya sweetly. Everyone collectively shuddered...when Illya sounded sweet, then you better start running like hell.

Especially when she now had Berserker back.

"Uh...for fun?" said Naruto sheepishly.

"Berserker... Punishment!" said Illya angrily.

Tamamo wasn't on his shoulder, so when Berserker back handed Naruto (sending him flying) he was the only one to leave the bounded fields. Ruler looked shocked at the act, but the fact Tamamo held her back was the only reason she didn't react.

"Illyasviel tends to use Berserker to keep her brother in line. Naruto will be back either tomorrow morning or in a couple of hours. Besides, he had that one coming," said Tamamo.

Shiro was the one to break the silence.

"Well at least we know Naruto's idea of a fail safe actually works..." he said sheepishly.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Okay! Since I do remember the confusion some of you stated when I said Ruler could be summoned at any time or after the Seven were already drawn, here's how that works.**_

_**Ruler is considered the Mediator of Naruto's Grail System. Should an Anti-Hero like Bluebeard show up in the fight then the next Servant to be drawn will automatically be Ruler to keep them from being absorbed by the Grail. With or without a Master to keep them in line. **_

_**HOWEVER, should all Seven Servants come out and no Anti-Hero was summoned, then if someone were to try and summon an Eighth Servant to the fight, one of three would be brought out, which are Saver, Shinobi and of course Ruler.**_

_**Ruler is basically like a medicine to keep the Grail from being infected by removing the more Corrupt Servants (Bluebeard, Dracula, Angra Mainyu, etc.) from the War and taking their place instead. This keeps the Grail from becoming corrupted by the same foul energy that ruined the first one.**_

_**I hope that clears up the confusion that some of you had when I said Ruler could be summoned either before or after the original Seven Servant cards were drawn!**_

* * *

Naruto felt like shit...though considering Illya had Berserker send him flying, this was normal.

"Jeez...why do I let myself get beaten up by that muscle head? Oh yeah, because I actually care about Illya and it's less of a hassle to deal with than some of the shit she comes up with instead of sending me flying..." muttered Naruto.

Really, the things Illya came up with to punish him for getting out of line made most sane men shudder. It was easier for him to get his ass kicked by Berserker than to deal with that headache, even if it did hurt like a bitch.

He paused when he heard someone crash into a trash can, and he summoned his sword. What he found surprised him.

It was Kariya Matou, the man Sakura had asked if she could save since he was the only one in that house who had given a damn about her at all.

Naruto knew why the man had been a Master, but he wanted to hear it from him anyway so he would have an excuse to help him.

"Well, well, well...a lost Magus all alone. And a Master to boot," he purred.

Kariya stiffened, feeling that cold steel on his neck. This man could kill him before he had a chance to summon Berserker!

"Who are you?" he asked carefully. He couldn't die, not here! Not before he saved her!

"Who I am is unimportant. Tell me, Master of Berserker...what is it that motivates the only Magus-born son of the Makiri clan to fight in the Heaven's Feel?" purred the blond.

"I have no desire of the Grail. I only wish to save her!" said Kariya, wincing as the Crest Worms acted up.

The blond sniffed and made an odd face.

"Oh dear Akasha... You have Crest Worms inside of you don't you? You poor deluded bastard... So who is it you wish to save? A lover, or perhaps a close friend? Or is it someone else?" asked the blond.

"None of the above. There is a young girl in the Matou mansion...my father said he would stop training her in his ways if I won the War... I could free her from that hell," said Kariya wincing as the worms struggled against his control.

"Would her name by any chance be Sakura Tohsaka, now Matou?" asked the blond.

Kariya stared at him.

"Well, at least she'll be happy to see you again. Sorry, Berserker's Master, I'll have to put you out until we remove those damn worms. On the plus side, we will let you join us when we give that idiot Tohsaka a piece of our mind for giving up his own child to that _thing_," said the blond cheerfully.

And with that, he stared into the eyes of his possible executioner and knew no more.

* * *

"Uncle Kariya! Naruto, what the hell did you do?!" said Sakura in shock.

"Knocked his ass out. Shiro, can I borrow Avalon for a moment? I'll need the healing factor to keep him alive while I remove those damn worms," said Naruto.

"Sure," said Shiro.

"Now...Illya, will you help me if I have to shift his soul to a new container later? Sakura, you'll help me with extraction. If all goes well Kariya will live past this war and Zouken will be a distant memory again."

"Wouldn't this affect our future?" asked Rin.

"Alternate universe. It has no real impact on ours. If it did, Saber wouldn't be here at the moment...a paradox of having her here twice should have canceled her out or prevented her from showing up to begin with."

"Good point. Carry on then," said Rin.

Sakura, who had a modicum of basic medical training since she worked with Haku to repair any damage done to her test subjects (and to insure that they would last to the end), was the only one who could help him remove the damn Crest Worms.

* * *

Kariya Matou woke up to an unfamiliar sensation since going into the cursed Worm Pit.

How many times did he have to remind himself that this was for Sakura's sake, to endure what no living human could possibly bear until his throat had closed from all the screaming and his very soul felt violated from the presence of those damn worms?

Opening his eyes, he stared.

There, on the chair, was a young woman about twenty or so with long purple and black striped hair. He looked at his body and was shocked to find most of the damage had been fixed and that he no longer felt the crest worms eating at his very core.

The door opened, revealing the blond who had captured him the night before.

"It's about damn time you woke up! Consider yourself lucky that we know how to remove those damn worms from people. Oi, Sakura, Shiro's making breakfast and you know those Servants won't hesitate to eat it all," said the man, kicking the chair.

The girl, Sakura, opened her eyes and he nearly died of shock alone.

She looked like a grown-up version of Sakura Tohsaka before his damn father had gotten his hooks into her, only with striped hair.

"Morning Naruto," yawned Sakura. Then she saw he was awake as well.

"Uncle Kariya, you're awake too?" she said in surprise.

Seeing his confusion, Naruto helped him to the table so he could eat.

"You've been dead to the world for three days. That's how long it took before your body could react properly to the fact that we removed those damn worms. And if you don't hurry up the Servants will eat your portion to. One learns to eat fast and guard well when it comes to this lot..." said Naruto with a sweat drop.

Thank Akasha he had a lot of cooked food and large funds in his workshop, otherwise Herakles would eat them out of house and home within days!

Which was why he was fed first and set to guard the place while they enjoyed dinner.

"So Kariya Matou...do you want to bring your Servant out to eat, or leave him to stew for another few hours?" asked Naruto.

"Without the worms I can't handle his mad enhancement," said Kariya with a shake of his head.

"Well there is another alternative, besides Saber's been meaning to talk to that Servant of yours."

"What alternative?"

Naruto handed him a piece of paper.

"Use a Command Seal and tell Berserker this order. If it worked on Herakles out there, then by all rights it should work for yours as well," said Naruto.

Kariya read the order, and it seemed straightforward enough.

"Do you have enough food?" he asked, sweatdropping at the massive buffet style menu in the room.

Naruto looked at the collective Servants in the room.

"This lot here is a bunch of damn gluttons, and it's easier to simply set up a buffet line than to fight over it and break the table. Besides it puts the minions to work for a change," said Naruto.

"Minions?" repeated Kariya.

Naruto pointed at the red imp creatures keeping the food hot, or the blue ones keeping the rest cold. Brown imps carried the food carefully to the table when asked, using tongs and spoons to place it on the plate or bowl.

"What the hell?"

"Minions, aka Modified homunculi created by me. I blame the damn bloodsucker for introducing me to those games," said Naruto sheepishly.

Most of the time they behaved like all Einzbern Homunculi...well behaved and good at menial labor. But when Naruto put on the gauntlet they became little more than minor Berserkers who would rob people blind. It was quite amusing to watch the imps gain mad enhancement under his control.

Plus it would be hilarious to see Irisviel's reaction to the things under Mad Enhancement.

Kariya decided to wait before summoning Berserker.

"So I suppose you want introductions first."

Kariya nodded. This was too strange for words.

"First off are the Shiro and Saber pair. Shiro here can act as an Archer Servant but he's really Saber's Master. Next is Rin and Assassin. Then there's Illya and Berserker, AKA Herakles. Last but not least are Bazett and Lancer, as well as Sakura Tohsaka and Rider."

"What about the other two girls?"

"Caster and Ruler. Ruler here is the only _official_ Servant that can possibly act in this Grail War, as everyone else was summoned during the one we participated in officially. Basically Ruler here can remove a Servant in a way that the Grail can't absorb the energy...she's what I call a fail-safe for creatures like the current War's Caster, who is a real piece of work."

"Question...are you the same Sakura given to the Matou family?" asked Kariya.

Sakura didn't wince.

"I am. Naruto began a blood feud with Grandfather and wiped out what remained of the clan before the War ended...though it was hilarious to find out that he had Illyasviel here stick Grandfather's soul in an old urinal," said Sakura, her mouth twitching with a grin.

"Zouken...in a urinal?" asked Kariya, his mouth struggling not to smile at the idea.

"We have no idea why it was still in the castle, but it's a source of amusement to the clan," said Naruto.

"I take it Illya is an Einzbern, Rin is the same little girl I know, and that Bazett is a Fraga?"

"You got it."

"What does that make you?" asked Kariya to Naruto.

"It makes me an adopted Einzbern and the heir of the Emiya clan despite the fact that Shiro here took over the mantle of Emiya Clan head even though Illya is the only one related to Kiritsugu directly through blood. Ironically I'm the oldest and Shiro is the youngest by a year," said Naruto.

"Who are you people?"

"We're survivors of the Fifth Grail War, and we were bored," said Naruto, Sakura, Rin and Shiro all at once.

"Well that and Naruto inherited the trolling habit of that damn bloodsucker Zelretch," said Rin.

"Zelretch...as in the Wizard Marshal Zelretch?" said Kariya paling.

"Naruto here is the _only_ apprentice to actually survive with his sanity intact long enough to learn the Kaleidoscope," said Rin.

Kariya felt faint. Anyone who could survive that lunatic that long had to be a powerhouse, and twisted as hell!

"Why are you here? If you've been in the Grail War before, then how did you survive with nearly all the Servants?"

"I cheated. The Grail was corrupted during the last war, so any wish on it would release the Sum of All the World's Evil. I dumped all the other Masters and their Servants in another world, so the Grail had to accept me as the 'winner'. I used my first and only Command Seal to keep Caster around as my familiar, so the Grail couldn't forcibly absorb her as well."

Kariya clearly didn't know what to say to that.

"Which reminds me... do you plan on continuing the Grail War since you can't sustain Berserker in his Mad Enchanced state?"

"I only agreed to be a Master to save Sakura. I could care less about the Grail or the wish it would grant."

Sakura clapped her hands.

"Goody...we can piss off Zouken again!" she said.

It was clear she had no love for the Matou family, and with good reason.

"Sakura, I'll leave you and Rider in charge of your younger self. Rin, what do you say we rob that place twice?"

"I will be selling the doubles for cash, since this time we don't have to worry about Acht wanting a cut," said Rin.

"Deal," said Naruto without hesitation.

Acht had confiscated most of his cut as payment for contacting the Church about Kirei. Considering he could have demanded something else, Naruto considered that a small price to pay...even if it didn't increase his own account.

* * *

Kariya was in the dojo with Saber, Shiro, Illya and Herakles. This was mostly a precaution in case they needed to restrain Berserker, and Naruto was fully prepared to loan Kariya prana just in case.

Berserker appeared, having sensed that his Master needed him.

Kariya held up his hand with the command seals and spoke the words Naruto had chosen to restrain a Berserker's Mad Enhancement without actually _losing_ it.

"Berserker, I order you to drop your Mad Enhancement. You will only activate it on my command, and only if I use the words 'Awaken Thy Madness'. If under any circumstances after I use those specific words I then say 'Place Thy Madness Into Slumber' you will turn off the ability. You will only do this if I am the one to say these words, or if there is another Master of Berserker nearby," said Kariya.

As the only other Master of Berserker was Illya, and since she had no intention of handing over such a Servant, that meant the only ones who could unleash the Mad Enhancement were those who had summoned them to begin with.

The Command Seal flared, indicating that the order was heard and accepted. The black shroud surrounded Berserker fell apart, revealing a knight in black armor.

He watched as his Master handed a far too familiar sheathe to Alturia, who was still disguised as Mordred.

Berserker did not look happy about Avalon being in the hands of the same traitor who killed his king.

"Oi Saber, I thought you wanted to talk to him? I think it's safe to drop the joke disguise, and it's not like he'll tell the other Servants the truth," said Naruto lazily.

Saber shrugged, then handed the armor over to Naruto who put it on the rack.

It only looked like Mordred's armor and it was made to fit over her real armor. Even the covering on her blade was faked, though hiding would be pointless once she unleashed her Noble Phantasm anyway, because the cover would have been blown.

Berserker looked very confused at this point.

"Who are you? Mordred or Alturia?" he asked.

"Alturia. I was disguised as Mordred because it was less confusing."

Berserker didn't get it at all. So Naruto explained.

"Berserker...or should I say Lancelot? Which Servants do you see in the room with you?" asked Naruto.

"Berserker, Ruler, Saber, Lancer, Caster, Rider and Assassin."

"Now tell me... if you are the Berserker of the _Fourth_ Heaven's Feel, then why is there another Berserker in the room?"

"I have no idea."

"It's because the second Berserker isn't part of _this_ war. He is the Servant of a Master from the _Fifth_ Heaven's Feel. Understand?"

"How would a Master from the Fifth be here in the Fourth?"

As one, everyone except Kariya pointed at Naruto.

"Blame him," they said in unison.

Naruto took a bow.

"I am a user of the Second True Magic, Kaleidoscope. And the Master of Caster from the 5th Grail War...and the current Master of Ruler during this one."

Seeing his confusion, Saber took Berserker to another room and explained things fully to him.

He came out after a long talk with her about his actions just in time for dinner, though like Kariya he was very surprised by the minions serving the food.

When Naruto explained their actual purpose (annoying Acht and generally acting as his pawns when he was in a trolling mood, which was often) Lancelot chuckled.

He could get used to this.


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto stood at the front of the Matou mansion. Inside was a little girl crying out for someone to save her from that hellish pit, and he was determined to do it. Kariya and Bazett would keep the other Masters busy tonight so they could save Sakura's younger self.

Sakura was going to be the one in charge of her younger self, and Rin would cover for her. In exchange she got first pick of any Mystic Codes inside.

Too bad Illya couldn't join them, as she wasn't good enough to repeat what she had done to the damn worm monster without the Dress of Heaven, and she had no intention of sneaking into the castle just to get it...not this early in the game anyway.

Naruto summoned his clones after the bounded field was put into place...and gave them a look.

"Men...inside this mansion is a monster that needs destroying and a young maiden who needs saving. You know these fields, and you know the drill. Set off the signal flare once you're done so we can unleash the hives."

"Sir yes sir!" came the reply from a thousand copies of him.

From what he could tell, little had changed from the time they stormed the place. He could see the same effects as before, and aside from one field that hadn't been there last time to alert if more than one Servant came in, there wasn't much difference.

Suddenly a bright red flare went off, attracting the attention of every Master in Fuyuki. Many came to watch the utter slaughter of the Matou clan, knowingly or not.

Zouken didn't know what the hell those imp things were, all he knew was that they were destroying his work. His worms couldn't even breach the damn things, which made attacking them nearly impossible.

His other son, Byakuya, was so drunk he didn't notice when one of the things set him on fire with a rune-enhanced rock. He was dead before the mansion was destroyed.

Rin, Assassin and fifty of Naruto's clones robbed the place of anything of worth. Sakura and Rider immediately headed towards what she knew to be her room, and once they convinced the girl that Kariya had sent them to save her, she came willingly, though there was a dead look in her eyes.

Shinji they left alone, if only because he had yet to become the man that he was in their time and could still be salvaged. He had vanished into the night once the house started burning and he had seen the body of his father lying on the grass.

Naruto was grinning coldly, in his full Einzbern family armor, the crest very visible on the area where his heart was. On his shoulders was the crest of the Uzumaki clan, the most recent addition to his armor...one had had layered countless storage seals to with his weapons.

"Why? Why is the Einzbern clan acting against the Makiri?" hissed Zouken. He would make Jubstacheit pay for this affront!

"Oh no, this isn't about the Einzbern clan Zouken Makiri...this is the Uzumaki declaring war against you. We were hired by your son to kill you and save the girl, and since we dislike you on principle...well, we gave him a massive discount for our services," smirked Naruto.

Rin and Bazett were considering honorary Uzumaki by default.

Naruto leveled a gun at Zouken. It looked exactly like Kiritsugu's infamous Mystic Code, but it was clearly modified.

"And we had a special bullet prepared _just_ for you," he purred.

Because Zouken quit qualifying as anything human a _long_ time ago, Naruto had a specially prepared set of bullets made after he got the recipe to make the ones that went with his father's gun.

These special bullets were designed to _stick_ with the one hit by it until they no longer existed. They would rot the circuits from the inside at an accelerated rate the more prana was used. And considering Zouken's body was made of familiars...well his death was sure to be very excruciating.

Naruto pulled back on the trigger with agonizing slowness. The bullet slammed into Zouken's head, and the bullet's effect took hold the second it touched his bare skin.

Zouken's screams would haunt the area long after they left, and he stayed alive barely a month after the Grail Wars ended. By that time his familiars were destroyed from the inside and he would finally die after nearly a month of never-ending torture as his very being turned against him.

* * *

Kiritsugu investigated the Makiri mansion...and the second he saw what was left of Zouken he was in shock.

The old vampire was clearly suffering from a far more painful version of his Anti-Magus bullets, and the hole in what was left of the body was the exact same diameter as them.

That wasn't all though...he found the only survivor of the assault...the son of Byakuya Matou, traumatized by the events that left him orphaned.

Shinji Matou wasn't a magus. He was Magus-bred, but he had no circuits. Kiritsugu took him back to the castle in the hopes that he could get answers. He certainly didn't expect the boy to start screaming the second he saw Saber, or when he recognized the Crest in the main hall.

"It was a demon! He came in with armor and these things!" said Shinji, shaking from terror.

"What things?"

"They looked like imps, but they weren't! They were red, blue and brown... they destroyed anything that got in his way, and he used an odd gauntlet... There were several women too! One of them looked like that girl Grandfather brought in...she said that if I didn't turn into a man like my grandfather or father they wouldn't come back to finish off what they had started..." sobbed Shinji.

It took Kiritsugu three days to get the full story out of him, and what he heard made him wonder who the real villain was in this mess.

Was it the mystery blond man wearing what was clearly Einzbern-crafted armor and had shot Zouken with a gun that made wounds like his, or was it Zouken, who had thrown a five-year-old girl into a pit of Crest worms mere days after getting her from the Tohsaka clan?

And so Kiritsugu ruthlessly grilled Shinji Matou about the people who had stormed the Matou mansion and taken the only other magus in the house...the former daughter of the Tohsaka Master, Sakura.

* * *

Alturia ran into her double and Kiritsugu entirely by accident while walking with Naruto to get groceries for the house. Zelretch had agreed to pay the already massive food bill as long as they continued to cause chaos in the war for the hell of it.

Apparently he found Naruto's plan to sow confusion with the other Masters amusing enough that he was willing to help out. The fact he had killed Zouken earlier than before, had insured Shinji wouldn't become the same man he had been when Naruto had killed him, and had saved the life of Kariya meant that the future of that world was no longer set in stone.

It was also a damn sight more entertaining than watching subtle changes influence the end of the war.

Saber tensed, as did Naruto. He was yawning as he had been up all night removing the accursed worms from the younger version of his mistress. However when he realized that he was eye-to-eye with his adopted father, his mouth quirked into a lazy smirk.

"Yo," he said, waving at the Magus Killer.

Kiritsugu tensed, as did Saber.

"Funny how things work. Knowing my luck that damn bloodsucker set this up," said Naruto.

"Naruto, it's likely he doesn't even know you're talking about that blasted Zelretch," said Ria.

"True, true. Fucking troll..." said Naruto.

Kiritsugu was leaning towards his gun, and Saber was clearly ready to attack if they made any moves towards them.

"Mah, mah...no need to attack us. We're just heading for another food run. Do say hi to your wife Irisviel and Maiya for us will you?" said Naruto.

Ria and Naruto kept on walking calmly, though Naruto had a familiar to watch the Magus Killer's reactions to the fact Naruto knew far too much about his personal life.

It was clear that Kiritsugu wanted to shoot him now and end him, but it was too crowded to do so and he was above all a pragmatic professional. Naruto grinned evilly.

* * *

Irisviel and Maiya were distinctly upset. Why?

Because the apparent 'Master' of Mordred knew who they were. Which meant they had limited options now. Maiya was surprised that the two blonds knew of her without having met them once.

And Kiritsugu had questioned her extensively until he was satisfied that his companion had no idea who they were.

Which begged the question...how did that man (who upon seeing Shinji had burst into fresh screams of terror and refused to leave the room) who had Einzbern armor know them?

Jubstacheit had not sent a second Master, of that he was sure because he had asked the man directly when he heard about the armor bearing their crest. And Iris had no idea who he was, which should be impossible since she would have at least heard of someone like that sooner.

Which made Kiritsugu very, very nervous.

* * *

Kirei Kotomine was intrigued. No less than seven different Servants had shown up after the first 'official' battle between Servants in the war, all of them of the Seven classes. Including a double of Saber, which had been surprising enough.

What worried him was that Assassin's counterpart had a Master who clearly had a grudge against him, and he had no idea who she was. She bore a striking resemblance to young Rin, Tokiomi's oldest daughter, which was impossible.

Then there was the matter of the second Einzbern homunculus who had shown up with a Berserker Servant.

She clearly belonged to that family, but the shock the Master of Saber had shown at her appearance proved she was just as surprised.

There was also the fact that she had been seen raiding the house where Zouken lived. The house was still in flames and the only surviving Matou, a weak spineless child named Shinji, had already been taken in by the Magus Killer to find out who these newcomers were.

This war would prove interesting.

* * *

Naruto was heading towards the liquor store, since he had already wiped out most of the booze in a drinking contest with Lancer.

He ended up running into Waver and his Servant Rider. He grinned.

"Finally, a Master and Servant who aren't total dicks! Hi!" he said grinning.

Iskander laughed at Naruto's flippant attitude while Waver all but shit himself.

"So what's Rider and his girly looking Master up to today?"

"Hey!"

"I mean I was on my way to the liquor store to get some more booze for our usual party at our place. I'm sure it would be illuminating for you to come and join us," said Naruto.

"Ha! I like you boy!"

"Besides, if you join us now we won't have to stalk and prank the hell out of you later," said Naruto flippantly.

* * *

Much to Waver's horror, he ended up being dragged to the house of the Grail Trolls (as they jokingly called themselves) by Iskander.

Rider took one look at the group in there, and immediately got into a arm wrestling contest with Herakles to the amusement of everyone.

"What the hell is going on? I mean there are two different versions of the same Servant running around!" complained Waver.

"Holy crap...you really were a whiny brat before the War ended..." said Rin in amazement.

"Do I know you?" asked Waver irritated.

Rin looked at Naruto.

"Can we _please_ bring our version here? I'm sure he'd love to see Rider again," she asked.

"And the look on his face would totally make having two of him worth it... I'll ask Zelretch if he's interested."

Naruto called his teacher, and half an hour later Waver El-Mellio walked through the Kaleidoscope. He was mostly there because he was as bored as they were, and they hadn't invited him because he had classes to teach. Well that and they weren't sure of the paradox effect would kick in.

Waver's alternate self took one look at the one Naruto was familiar with, and fainted from shock.

Waver sighed.

"I forgot how much of a wimp I used to be," he said shaking his head.

Rider took one look at the older Waver and looked at Naruto in confusion.

"Well you big pansy? Go talk to him!" said Naruto shoving him at Iskander.

Waver stumbled and glared at his one-time student. They still talked occasionally and conspired against Zelretch...plus Naruto had hired him to help train the Uzumaki in magecraft.

Waver sat next to Rider, who was clearly confused until Illya explained it to him. After that the two of them caught up.

* * *

Waver Velvet woke up in an unfamiliar house. Walking into the dining area, he found his Servant laughing and eating with the others.

"Rider, why are we still here?" whined Waver.

"You're here because it was either let you stay here and recover from your shock, or chance the other Masters being drawn back to your home base," said someone from behind.

Waver turned around to find the older version of him looking at him in tired amusement.

"You..."

"Lord Waver El-Melloi of Clock Tower, at your service."

"Oi Waver, get your ass over here and make a plate before this big ham eats it all!" yelled Naruto.

The older Waver sat down next to the girl with Assassin and had the 'imps' bring him food. Velvet sat next to the Einzbern girl and Rider, confused by it all.

"What the heck is going on?"

"Food first, explanations after. Otherwise the Servants would eat us out of house and home. Just be glad Herakles is outside guarding the place and was already fed," said Naruto.

"Where did you find him anyway? I thought _Gilgamesh_ (the older Waver spat the name out like a curse) killed him during your version."

"Went to an alternate fifteen minutes earlier and the little Snowstorm stole her own Servant from her alternate before her death."

"And what about Counter Guardian EMIYA?"

"We didn't need him to play Archer, so we left him alone. Though maybe I should find him, because I bet he would get a good laugh out of the chaos we're causing," said Naruto.

Hell, he would probably love to have a long chat with Kiritsugu. That alone would have made bringing him to this little party fun.

Perhaps once Kiritsugu figured out that the second 'Master' of Berserker was in fact his own daughter.

At this point the entire group was heavily investing in cameras and carried at least three with them at all times. This was, after all, Naruto's vacation and he wanted pictures to commemorate the time.

As it was their Waver had been sure to get a picture of himself and Iskander for him to have later.

It was debatable as to whether the younger version of Waver would keep Rider after the war, or if he would hand him over to his future alternate self.

If nothing else, he could have Waver owe him one by finding a way to save 'his' Rider by pulling him from the past into the future.

Iskander died in the Fourth Grail War. But that didn't mean he couldn't be taken from scant seconds before his death and brought to the future.

And so another day of the Grail Wars began...poor Waver Velvet was going to have such a headache later...


End file.
